that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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