help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
