Four minutes until I can fart!
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
When are your genitals available?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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