my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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