I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
