It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Girls should come with a carfax report
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
