I like my sex mixed with concussions.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
