Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
