Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?