oh god the rape fog is back!
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
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Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
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They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming