My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.