We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
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Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
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For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz