Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?