i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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