I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
