FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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