Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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