tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
