I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
