Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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