somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
