no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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