i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
PANTIES FOUND
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