Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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