I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I am spending my child support on dildos
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
i think i just lost a toe
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
