And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
you're hired as official boob wrangler
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Randomize
