i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ๐๐๐๐
CTFD. Thereโs plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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