i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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