Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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