i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
