I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
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