I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
