You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
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I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
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She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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