Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
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I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
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I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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