the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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