the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
