We're like a lot better than the average bears
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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