i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
