I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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