i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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