I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
