I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize