There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
