went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
