Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
