please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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