Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Randomize
