So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Randomize
