Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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