blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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