omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
