I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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