census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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