i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
