I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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