Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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