i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I don't deserve a penis
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
