I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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