Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
