drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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