turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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