Please, let me fuck your mom
Everything about him screamed your future.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
