just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
