FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
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