Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
