There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Congratulations! We have a period
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
