I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
What happened to fro yo and sex?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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